A Maid, a Babysitter, or a Wife?

If you want a woman to do all the house chores and look after your every need, then what you want is a maid and a babysitter – not a wife.

This one is for the guys.

It is a disturbing trend that women are pressured into getting married, and when they finally tie the knot, their life becomes more miserable than when they were single. This paints a horrible picture of marriage in the minds of women. On one hand, they are being told that they have an “expiration date” and have to get married quickly or fear the consequences of staying single. On the other hand, once they are married, they become a slave in the household.

No wonder there are women who want to opt out, i.e., not get married at all. Who can blame them? Any normal individual wouldn’t want anything to do with such an oppressive concept of marriage.

This isn’t to say that marriage is like a fairy tale; it has its ups and downs. Marriage isn’t always pretty. There are bills to pay, kids to feed, a house to maintain, different personalities to handle, more birthdays to remember, and the list goes on. Marriage has its challenges. But that doesn’t justify making the woman’s life unnecessarily difficult.

Our lawfully-wedded spouse is our partner. Marriage is not an employer-employee relationship. It is a beautiful partnership – a partnership towards Allah. If one understands partnership in the context of business, then one understands where I am going with this. In a business partnership, each share profits and losses equally. There is no “me vs. you”, it is always “us”. If one partner wins, the other partner wins and if one partner loses, the other partner also loses.

Partners will carry each other’s burdens, making the load lighter, and the journey easier.

There is an understanding that life after marriage will be more difficult, but that doesn’t mean it will be more miserable. A husband and wife face difficulties together. They help each other, making the life of the other easier. From there, happiness blooms – despite inevitable marital difficulties.

So guys, how about washing the dishes once in a while? Perhaps do a little house cleaning on the weekends? Or maybe, cook dinner tonight? How about massaging her feet for a change? Some might think it’s heresy for a guy to get his hands dirty around the house. But for others, it’s Prophetic.

Our Prophet, despite being the busy man that he was, would help out around the house with what we may consider “menial” house chores. But to our blessed Prophet, no honest work was menial. Can you imagine the best of creations mending his own clothes? (Keep in mind, sewing machines weren’t invented yet). Is it hard for you to imagine? Well, it shouldn’t be, because he actually did it.

Some guys might think it’s a waste of their time to do these house chores. What about her time? Is your time more valuable than hers? If you think you’re tired, then what state do you think she’s in after she spent the whole day cleaning up the house and preparing the meals?

Don’t get me started on working wives. They do twice the work, with half the appreciation.

This article isn’t meant to downplay the husband’s worth. Husbands do a lot for the marriage too. My intention is to direct the eyes of the husbands into seeing and appreciating their wives for all the things – big or small – that they do around the house and stop complaining when the food tastes less salty than you prefer.

Seeing that they are your partner, you should be motivated to help out and avoid making her life more difficult than it should be.

Husbands helping out around the house: this is what we should consider to be mainstream and conventional, because this is the Sunna.

You know what isn’t the Sunna? Being a couch potato while she sweeps the crumbs from under your feet.

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Thinking about saying “I Do”? Then register at the next ISNA Canada matrimonial event. Email matrimonial@isnacanada.com for more details.

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Have something to say? Please share your thoughts below!

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  • Grace Tan Siew Hwa

    Bible Verse Ephesians 5:24-26
    …24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

  • kjay

    your article seem to paint that husband and wife come from different planet. Imagine an unmarried girl reading your article, and she is going to think that some men treat their wife as slave. Wife should find pleasure in serving there husband and it dosen’t make them slave. If the wife do more housework then their husband then they will get more reward

    • amahmu

      Wow. Who are you to tell women what they should or should not find pleasurable? Can you point out which verse in the Quran or hadis that mentions wives get more reward by doing more housework?

    • noor us sahar

      You know what is more rewarding for women then more “house work”, if she can get away from all these tasks for sometime so she has more time to worship God, which has the highest rewards, rather then washing your dirty dishes. As they say, be a man! and that starts with getting your self dirty with house chores. Plus shouldn’t men equally be competing to get more rewards, it is more rewarding helping your wife do the housework! rather then waste time writing on comment section what is more pleasurable for women.

  • linacullen

    This is actually a real problem to many women. Some men or maybe I can say most men, when they get married, they tend to be instructive and think the household is women’s job. By the fact, wife is only helping the husband becoz it is actually his responsibility. But becoz of our so called tradition, most men would think that it is the wife. Thank you for this article. The truth is…I myself is worn out. If a women can earn on her own, chip in for the bills, take care of the child, take care of the household (cook, clean, take out the garbage) what would she need the men for??

  • Abdullah

    Before anybody takes this article seriously, reflect that the author is a single man with no religious knowledge. Beware

    • Abdullah

      Correction: it seems he got married last year! But this is still a poorly written and one-sided article

  • AC

    I agree with everything that is written in this article and do over 90% if not 100% of the time the way this article recommends according to sunnah. My question is what do you about a woman who is still not happy.

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